Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
