So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
