You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
