i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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