dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
