Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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