Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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