Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you win again, gameday.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
