Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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