is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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