hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it's like iHOP with fire
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
