We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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