Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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