worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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