marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
