Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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