You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He has the fingertips of a God
The air taste purple.
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