i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
