Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
