Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
