shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
