ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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