On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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