I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it was like eating out sand paper
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
