I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
