The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
