jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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