Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
