we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
