winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
