So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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