pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Drake has all the answers
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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