Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
