Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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