Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
