I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Duck Duck Cougar?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
