I cannot find my penis.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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