I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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