I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
