you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
