you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
