return my video game
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
