And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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