google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
