weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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