Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
