Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
