u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
