My liver just broke up with me...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
