You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
